New relationships are exciting, but they come loaded with a lot of questions, especially if you’re pretty new to it all. One of the most popular questions people ask when they start dating someone is how often they should be seeing each other.
Should you be going out every day, every other day, once a week, once a month? Ask 10 people and you’ll get 10 different answers.
The good news is that this question almost always comes from a great place. You’re probably asking because you’re excited, you want to see the person more, you want to give the new relationship the best chance of success—but you don’t want to seem overbearing, overeager, or annoying.
Today, we’re going to put those concerns to rest and answer once and for all how often you should be seeing your new boyfriend or girlfriend.
The Golden Rule on How Often to See a New Love Interest
Call this a golden rule, call it a disclaimer, or call it what you want. But at the very least, realize it’s something important. No matter what anyone tells you (including us), there is no wrong or right answer to how often you should be seeing someone.
Much like the three-day contact rule of old, people love to make up rules about dating that are just that—made up. If you both want to see each other 24/7, you do you! If you’re both crazy busy and once every two weeks is all you can get in, go for it!
Do not ever feel that you’re boxed into not doing what you want and what feels right.
That being said, there are some guidelines to how often you should see someone you just started dating that tend to lead to more success. And in situations where you aren’t entirely sure how the other person feels, these guidelines are a good way to make sure you’re not overstepping just because you’re excited.
How Often to See Someone You Just Started Dating – Our Recommendation
Alright, with that out of the way, let’s get you a definitive answer. We’re going to give you a rough outline followed by some things to consider to tweak the timeline.
After your first date, generally we see people wait about 1-2 weeks until the second date, with the most common for people who are interested with the available time being about a week.
For example, let’s say you go out with someone on a Friday night and you both have a blast, and both want to see each other again. Often, the best plan is to look to schedule a date for the following weekend. This is close enough together that you can carry momentum, but you’re not pushing too soon to where it might get awkward if they don’t want things to go too quickly.
Generally, this timeline of around once a week goes on for the first couple weeks up until the first month and a half. If things being to develop further, things may start to change where you see each other 1-2 times per week. It all is going to depend on the speed the relationship is going, both of your schedules, and what each of you is comfortable with.
6 Factors That Go Into This – A Must Read
The previous section is basically worthless without this section. Why? Well, because each dating relationship is so unique, there are so many factors that can cause a necessary deviation from the once a week plan for the first few weeks/month.
What we want to look at now are all of the different factors that may alter that schedule. We’d recommend that you take the schedule we provided and then tweak it based on how these factors apply or don’t apply to you.
1. Availability and Schedules
The number one thing that can affect how often you see someone you just started dating is their (and your) availability and schedules. If they are a super busy person with limited availability, you may end up only seeing them every couple of weeks at the beginning of the relationship.
If this upsets you, try not to let it. Remember, you’re just some random person they just met at this point.
Hopefully you will grow into more than that, but right now that’s truth be told what you are. What that means is your priority on the calendar is understandably low. As you get to know each other more, that better change, but not once you just started dating.
Additionally, if they are someone who makes their schedule weeks out or works a demanding job, it may be a bit until there is a time they can see you again. Try not to read into this as interest or lack of interest.
And on top of all of this, even if they aren’t that busy but your two schedules conflict aggressively, it may take a while. Plan to be patient, but realize that the once a week rhythm may not happen in these situations—and that’s okay.
2. If They or You are Dating Other People
Here’s some more truth be told for you. Often, people are going on dates with multiple people. This is totally okay at the beginning of the time you’re going out (but starts to get less okay the more times you see each other).
If someone is going on dates with multiple people and only has 1-2 free nights per week, it may be a bit until you get to see them again. This isn’t something that should upset you or make you jealous; it’s just something to be aware of.
Random free advice-don’t ask them if they are seeing other people in the first few weeks you’re dating them. It’s none of your business (yet), and it’s going to come across as desperate and a red flag. Just be prepared to be in the 2-3 week gap range for the first few weeks and assume this may be the reason. After you see them several times and start to get a bit closer, this starts to become more of your business but certainly not right at the beginning.
3. If a Special Event Comes Up
What happens if you see them on a Friday night and it goes amazing and then something unique comes up on Saturday night? For example, what if they say they love a particular band, and you see they’re playing in town the very next night? Should you not invite them because of the once-a-week rule?
Absolutely not! Invite them! It’s okay. One thing you can do, though, is mention that you know it’s super soon. For example, “Hey! I know I just saw you yesterday and don’t want to seem like some crazy person, but I saw that your favorite band is playing tonight, and I was thinking about going. Any interest in joining?”.
By doing this, you acknowledge that it might be too soon by their standards, but that it’s a unique situation that warrants the offer.
One more note here-if they say no, don’t be upset. It’s generally going to be crazy last minute for them, and it just might not fit into their schedule. This is okay and does not mean they’re not interested in you.
4. If They Say Something About Speed
This is something that’s not going to happen often, but if it does happen-you need to take notice. If they deliberately say something about how fast or slow they like to take things, hear it and respect it. Period.
For example, if they say they are really big on taking things slow, be okay with that. Be aware it could mean more than just the cadence at which you see them when you first start dating, but respect it.
Again, this will be a rare one, but when it does happen, it’s important to adjust how often you’re seeing this new love interest accordingly.
5. Your Logistics and Proximity
Much like your schedules and availabilities, your logistics and proximity are important. For example, if you live two hours away, it might be a slower cadence than once a week. On the other hand, if you’re in college and you live one block away from them where you’ll naturally see them every day in passing or in class, you’re probably going to see them a lot.
In the latter situation, keep in mind that “seeing them” when you just say hi and a few words in passing versus going on a date are different things.
Don’t try and make every time you see them in passing a big spectacle if it makes things awkward.
6. What You Are Comfortable With
Lastly, it’s easy to forget that it does matter what YOU are comfortable with. Too often, we are concerned with what the rules of society are or what the other person wants, and we forget that our opinion and preferences matter as well.
If you want to take things slower than once a week, do it! If you want to try and do things a little faster than normal, go for it. Just keep in mind that dating involves two people. Just because you want to take things faster does not mean the other person is okay with that or is even capable of it.
What if they want to see me more than I want to see them when we first start dating?
How you respond to this situation, is 100% going to be up to you. If you’re cool with flexing a little and letting things go a little faster than you’re used to, awesome. If you want to stick to your preferred cadence, also awesome! Just make sure you communicate your feelings on these things so the other person doesn’t make assumptions.
If you say you don’t want to see them so soon but you give no reason why, they might assume it’s because you’re not interested. Something as simple as, “I like to take things a little slower at first as a personal rule. It certainly doesn’t mean I’m not interested,” will go a long way.
What if I want to see them more than they want to see me when we first start dating?
These situations may be a lot more common than you’re aware of. And trust us, we get it. You meet someone amazing. You’ve been searching for a while, and they seem perfect. You want to see them as soon as possible to get more time together and to make sure someone else doesn’t scoop them up.
Here’s the issue. People are WAY more sensitive to these types of things at the beginning of a relationship. They are also WAY more likely to misinterpret things. They might misinterpret your eagerness as creepy when it’s just genuine interest and excitement.
So, here’s our advice if this happens. Always defer to their slower schedule. Period. Hard stop. If you push them to see you more than they want to, it will never do you any good. In fact, it tends to do way more harm by pushing them away than you could ever imagine.
Yes, it may stink to not be able to spend the time with them they want, but you have to respect their wishes. Remember, you just started dating them.
They may be a bit slower to realize how awesome you are. They may have baggage from the past that causes them to move slower. Be respectful of this with zero added pressure, and it will pay dividends for you.
The Wrap Up
So, here are the big takeaways on how often you should see someone you’re newly dating in quick bullet format…
- There are no hard and fast rules to how often you can see someone you just started dating, no matter what anyone says. There are, however, guidelines that we outlined here that tend to have better results.
- The general cadence of when to see someone you just started dating is about once a week for the first few weeks to month and a half. Beyond this, the cadence should speed up unless there are specific scheduling reasons that it can’t.
- The outlined cadence is affected by many factors that we outlined. We advise that you take the general outline and use the mitigating factors to determine what is best for you situation.
- If they are more eager to see you than you are to see them, decide if you are okay with flexing to that or sticking to your slower schedule. If you stick to your slower schedule, make sure you communicate your reasoning to prevent misinterpretation.
- If you are more eager to see them than they are, take a breath and slow down. The beginnings of relationships may be slower than you’d like, but that’s okay. They may have reasons from the past to take things slower and rushing that time frame will never do you any good.