The thought of having someone special to spend time with, build great memories with, and frankly, just be yourself with is awesome. And for many, the person that best fills this role is a girlfriend. But how do you find a girlfriend? Are there things you should be doing? Places you should be looking?
In this guide, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know to find a girlfriend fast and the right way. The great news is that there is a special lady for you out there, and finding her really doesn’t have to be as hard as some people make it out to be.
If you’re in a hurry to get started, we did want to lead off with a helpful resource that a lot of people find success with—online dating. Here are our favorite dating apps for finding a girlfriend.
Dating Apps to Help You Find a Girlfriend
Table of Contents:
20 Places to Look for a Girlfriend
If you’re with us today, the chances are pretty high that you feel like you’ve already exhausted all your options of places to look to find a GF. Let us start by saying we completely understand that feeling. Let us also start by saying that there may be more places you haven’t thought of!
Below, you’ll find a thorough list of the best places to look to find a girlfriend. Some of these options may not apply to you, and some of them may require you to get involved in new things (which should be exciting on its own!). Additionally, we’ve included a pro tip with every location to help give you that first step in the right direction.
1. Through Friends and Family
One of the best ways to meet new women is through friends and family. They know you and what you’re like, which can serve as a prescreening process to get you a foot in the door! You never know who your friends and family might know who is also single.
Pro Tip: You have to let people know you’re actively looking and open to meeting people. You don’t want to tell them every five minutes, but once every few weeks to see if they know of anyone is great. And if they try and set you up, go on the date, or else they’ll never set you up again.
2. Online Dating Apps and Sites
As we mentioned, the most efficient and probably most effective way to find a gf is through online dating apps and sites. They allow you to connect with thousands of women within a few clicks.
Pro Tip: Check out a few of the dating apps we recommended at the top of this guide. You can always sign up for free and at least see what options are available in your area.
3. Recreational Sports Leagues
Kickball, softball, soccer, bowling…every city in America has some sort of league that you can join. And guess what? You can join as an individual and not as a team! And guess what else? You don’t even have to be good at the sport. Most people just play for fun.
Pro Tip: Google search for “recreational sports leagues in (put your city here)”. You’ll probably be amazed at how many options there are year-round.
4. Meet-Up Groups
In addition to rec sports leagues, every town is going to have meet-up groups for way more interests than just sports. These are great places to meet girls and meet other people with like-minded interests. Additionally, they’re built with the mindset of bringing individuals together.
Pro Tip: Approach meet-up groups as just looking to make friends and have fun with finding a girlfriend being a secondary goal. That way you don’t come across as weird, and you’ll have fun regardless!
5. Community Events
Most towns also have community events, festivals, parades, and more all the time, especially when the weather is nice. Keep an eye out for these events as they are great places to find girls to talk to.
Pro Tip: Check your town’s website or Chamber of Commerce website for event calendars. Additionally, news stations tend to showcase these things as well.
6. Volunteering Around Town
Who said you can’t do good while trying to find a girlfriend? Okay, probably no one but here’s the point. Volunteering is a great way to build confidence, give back to the community, and meet girls who care about the world. For this reason, volunteering is and will always be at the top of our list of how to get a girlfriend.
Pro Tip: Search for charities in your city. If you can’t find any, look on event calendars, reach out to churches, or even contact the news stations for help.
7. Group Fitness Classes at the Gym
Wondering how to get a girlfriend that takes care of herself and just may be nice and fit? Well, the gym should pop up on your radar for that. And when it comes to the gym, group fitness classes are a great spot to start. Make sure to become a regular, come in early, and stick around after to chat.
Pro Tip: Remember that for some women, the gym is a place they go to relax by themselves or with their girlfriends. Additionally, many married women don’t wear their rings to the gym. This doesn’t mean it’s a bad way to try and get a girlfriend, but it does mean you need to tread a little more lightly.
8. Coffee Shops
One of the most classic places to meet women is the coffee shop. It’s a great spot if you’re looking to find a gf who is educated, cultured, likes to read, and loves the smell of coffee in the morning.
Pro Tip: Have a plan to talk to girls you see regularly in there. You can always ask about a book they’re reading or what they ordered. It doesn’t take much to spark up a conversation.
9. Church, Synagogue, Temple, or Other Religious Places
This one is only applicable if you’re of a particular faith, but it’s a great place to find a gf that shares the same views on life as you. Look to get involved in extracurricular events, small groups, the single’s ministry, or any special events put on by the Church.
Pro Tip: Don’t rush in and out of service every week. Show up early and hang around afterward to look for opportunities to say hi and meet people. Additionally, be open with people in the congregation that you’re single (but not obnoxious about it). You never know who might know someone single and looking.
10. At Your Work
The chances are high you spend a lot of time with the people you work with. And if you work in a bigger company, you’ve probably seen some good-looking gals in other departments too. This is a great spot to look for options as long as it doesn’t impact your work.
Pro Tip: Make sure there are no rules or regulations against dating a coworker. Additionally, consider looking for a girlfriend in a different department if possible, as that will make things a lot easier if you get together and then later break up.
11. At Work Conventions and Functions
Speaking of getting outside of your close-knit work circle, conventions, functions, and mixers are incredible places to help find a potential candidate for a girlfriend.
Pro Tip: Keep up to speed on what opportunities might be available at your work by talking to your boss and coworkers. Remember, they select people to go to events early.
12. Happy Hour
Just because the bar is an overplayed option for finding a girlfriend doesn’t mean you need to wipe it off your list completely. Happy hours are frequented by young professionals just looking to unwind after a long day at the office.
Pro Tip: Scout out the happy hour location beforehand and look for a place to sit where you’re in the action. If you just sit at the bar, you’re going to be limited to only talking to the people right next to you or having to very directly approach someone which can be tough.
13. At School or School Events
This option only applies if you’re actually still in school. If not, please don’t head up to the nearest school to try and pick up women. It will come across creepy because it is. But if so, your classmates are a great place to start meeting people
Pro Tip: Get involved! Extracurriculars at school are the best way to start meeting people. And even if no one you meet is someone you want to date, they may have friends.
14. Arcades and Hang-Out-Style Entertainment Venues
Sometimes the hard part about going places to try and find a gf or meet women is that you feel awkward just hanging around. Thankfully, places like arcades encourage hanging around.
Pro Tip: Remember that you’re coming to the arcade to meet women. Yes, you can use the machines as a bit of a crutch at first, but make sure you’re pushing yourself to start conversations.
15. Parks and Nature Attractions
Looking to meet an outdoors girl? Parks, hikes, nature museums, lakes, beaches, and rivers are incredible spots to relax, have fun, and meet some new people.
Pro Tip: Don’t avoid these options just because you’re not ripped with six-pack abs. If you carry yourself confidently, you’ll do just fine.
16. Museums, Art Shows, and Cultural Attractions
If you want to know how to get a girlfriend who is cultured, this is your answer. Check out museums, art shows, cultural events, and festivals in your area.
Pro Tip: The big perk about these options is that it’s so easy to strike up a conversation. If you want to be a rock star, spend a little time doing research beforehand so you know a little bit about the exhibits. Don’t come across as a know-it-all, but share what you’ve learned.
17. Concerts (Big and Small)
Concerts can be a hit-or-miss opportunity to meet women. Are there going to be women at most concerts? Absolutely. However, it comes down to logistics a lot. If it’s a massive concert that’s loud from start to end, maybe not the best. If it’s a more intimate concert or one with a lot of breaks in between, it could be great.
Pro Tip: “Are you a big (insert the headlining band) fan?” is the easiest opener to start a conversation with a girl you’re interested in at a concert. No need to overcomplicate it.
18. Speed Dating
If you thought speed dating was just something in the movies, think again. If you live in a big city, speed dating is still quite popular. It’s where you meet a bunch of people in a structured format for just a couple minutes each. At the end, everyone shares privately who they liked. If there is a mutual like, you’re notified.
Pro Tip: Yes, this may seem quite out of your comfort zone but it really might be worth a try! Step out of your comfort zone at least once and if you don’t like it, you never have to go back.
19. Public Transportation
Depending on the city you live in, public transportation may be the way that most people get around. Whether it is or not, this is a great place to strike up a conversation with someone else on the bus, tram, ferry, monorail, or subway.
Pro Tip: Be aware that some people are going to want to read or do work on the way to and from where they’re going. If you strike up a conversation and get a cold response, this is probably what it is. Also, be aware that other riders will see you starting up a conversation, so if you go to another girl the next day, she may feel like a plan B. Plan accordingly.
20. Social Media
While we personally aren’t the biggest fans of social media, it can be a nice way to meet women as long as you aren’t creepy about it or violate the terms of service.
Pro Tip: Look for more natural ways to start up conversations. Also, ensure that you find their profile or information in a natural way that doesn’t make you look like a creep.
5 Steps to Find a GF Today
Looking for the instruction manual for finding a girlfriend? Well, look no further. Here are the five steps you should follow to have success in your search starting today.
1. Make sure you’re ready on all levels.
The search for a girlfriend should always start with you. Here’s an analogy. Imagine a football player who wants to win a football game. Is the first thing they do jump in the game and start playing? Absolutely not. They put in a lot of hard work, training, and practice on their own before they get after it.
The same should be done when searching for a girlfriend. No, you don’t have to be perfect before you start looking, but you should put in some work to give yourself the best results. Failure to do so means worse results and a higher risk of getting burnt out with the process.
While the list of ways you can improve yourself is endless, here are a few of our favorites to at least consider. Again, you don’t have to be perfect to start dating, but your results will be influenced by these things. Notice, all of these are things that should be within your control.
- Health and fitness
- Having goals and aspirations
- Skills and hobbies
- Not partying all the time
- Learning and expanding culture
Women want to date people who take care of themselves, have a plan in life, do fun things, don’t live at the bar, and are educated or at least like to learn about new things. These are all things within your control.
Additionally, you have to make sure you’re in a position where you’re comfortable being single. If you’re not 100% happy being single, you’re going to struggle with not seeming needy or desperate when looking for a gf.
A gf should be complementary to your life, not a necessity for happiness.
2. Create a wants and needs list.
The next step is figuring out exactly what you’re looking for when it comes to a girlfriend. What’s important here is to understand the difference between needs and wants. A need is something that’s a deal-breaker. It’s something you will not waiver on and must have. A want, on the other hand, is something you’d like to have, but for the right person could see yourself looking past.
This list is going to help you quickly qualify if a girl you’re interested in is a good fit or not. This should save you a lot of time and increase your chances for quick results. It’s also going to help out a lot in step three.
3. Create a plan of action.
The next step is to complete a plan of action, and yes, we do recommend writing this out if you can. In the plan, you need to include the steps you’re going to take to increase your chances of finding a gf. This should include:
- Where you’re going to start looking
- How often you’re going to be looking in these places
- What you’re going to do differently when there to spark success
- What you’re going to continue working on yourself to improve
- Anything else you can do to improve your chances
- How you’re going to gauge and measure your success
- When you are going to revisit making changes to this plan
When making this, you have to remember your wants and needs so you’re doing the right things. For example, if you want a nice girl for a serious relationship, looking at the nightclubs at 2 am is probably not a good idea.
Additionally, make sure you include as much detail as possible. For example, if you say you’re going to go to a park and talk to girls—cool. But how are you going to start those conversations? What types of things might you say? These details can help you be way more prepared for the moment.
4. Refine your process.
The last part of step three was setting up a date to revisit and review your plan. This is important. Ideally, we recommend setting this about a month out. When it comes up, look at what you planned on doing, what you actually did, what worked, and what didn’t. From there, double down on what’s working and try and refine or change what isn’t. Rinse and repeat this again every month until you get a girlfriend.
5. Stay patient.
Take your time. There is no rush. All the good ones are not going to get scooped up. Remember that you’re not shopping for a new pair of pants or something like that. You’re looking for someone to share a relationship with. This could take weeks, months, or possible into the year time frame if your standards are quite high and based on your situation.
Be okay with that because it’s natural.
Why Can’t I Get a Girlfriend
While we don’t want to dwell on the negatives, we do want to share that we understand what you’re going through. What we wanted to do was just take a few moments and talk about some of the more common reasons finding a girlfriend may be hard, or why it may seem impossible at times. We share these reasons to let you know you’re not alone and also to open your eyes to ways you may be able to make the process easier on yourself.
You’re not looking where you should be.
We touched a lot on the right places to look to find a gf, but we really didn’t touch on the wrong places. And if you’re not having great luck, it’s very possible that you’re not looking where you should be. For example, if you’re looking for a sweet, caring girl that you can take home to mom but you’re looking in nightclubs at 2 am on a Thursday…chances are you’re not going to have much luck.
Reassess where you’re looking and eliminate the places that aren’t doing you any good.
You’re not putting in adequate effort.
There is no magic formula to snap your fingers and get a gf. Online dating is the best example of this. Online dating apps are responsible for millions of marriages and even more people getting into relationships! But, if you just sign up and don’t do anything—you’ll see zero results. You have to create a profile, put effort into it, upload great photos, and send and respond to messages. Only then can you start to see some of the results.
Have a real heart to heart with yourself to see if you’re putting in an adequate amount of work to match the results you’re expecting.
You really need to check your expectations.
Speaking of expecting results, we need to have a realistic talk about expectations. You may be asking yourself “why can’t I get a girlfriend” because you haven’t seen the results you expected. But, are you expecting too much? Here are a few areas of expectations we suggest you spend some time on self-discovery.
- Time – Have you given things a reasonable amount of time to happen? Sometimes this can mean months or years?
- Wants vs. Needs – Are there things that should be wants that you have on your needs list? For example, if you’re saying that you will only date blonde women, that’s going to have a big impact on your results. That’s probably something better served for a wants list instead of a needs or dealbreaker list.
- Types of Women – Are you a 60 year old man trying to date 20 year old girls? While that could happen, you can imagine how that would affect your results. While we think that love truly sees no boundaries, society does not share the same viewpoint. Make sure that the women you’re trying with are realistic options for you. Again, we’re not condoning “leagues” or saying that some women are out of your league, but it’s just something to consider when setting expectations. The more out of the societal norm you’re looking for, the longer it might take.
You haven’t handled the most important step (you).
We are proudly going to be a broken record on this one. If you haven’t taken the time to take care of yourself first, you’re not going to have any luck finding someone that wants to date you. While we could spend weeks sharing things you could work on, we wanted to share a few to get you started. While you certainly don’t have to be perfect before you start dating, working on some of these things may help answer the question of why you feel like you can’t get a girlfriend.
- Health and Fitness – Do you take care of yourself? Do you work out? If these things are within your control, they’re a great place to start.
- Stability – Most women want to date someone who has some form of stability in their life. This means in your schedule, finances, and day-to-day activities. If you feel like you’re crazy all over the place, take some time to get life in order. You don’t have to be perfect by any means, but at least show you have control over your own life before bringing someone else in.
- Lifestyle vs. What You Want – If you’re looking to settle down with a nice girl but you’re going out partying and getting hammered every weekend, there’s a disconnect—and girls will see this and run the other way. Make sure your lifestyle matches with the image of yourself you’re trying to portray.
You’re putting women up on an unnecessary pedestal.
Women are amazing; there’s no denying that. However, just because they’re women doesn’t mean they’re suddenly better than you. And if you adopt the mindset that they are, you’ll constantly be looking desperate and like you can’t function without them. 100% respect women for the amazing beings that they are, but get away from the mindset that they’re somehow better than you.
You’re running rampant with desperation and negativity.
The aforementioned reason leads right into this one. If you hold women in a higher regard than you should, you’re going to look desperate. And desperation is not sexy.
Additionally, if you’ve been struggling to find a girlfriend, you may be getting down about things. You cannot let these emotions bleed out into the rest of your dating life. No woman wants to get involved with a guy who is always complaining, always negative, or just a buzzkill to be around.
Best Tips to Find a Girlfriend
You’re now equipped with the steps to find a gf and you know where to look. The last pieces of the puzzle are the tips to fill in the gaps. Here are the must-know tips to really turbocharge your results and ensure your search is successful.
- Humbly start with yourself first. – As we said above, the first step to finding a gf is always getting yourself taken care of first. If you find yourself desperately in need of a girlfriend, you’re probably not ready to date just yet. When you’re truly happy alone, that’s when you’ll have the best success searching. A gf should be complementary, not a necessity.
- Set realistic expectations. – How long do you think it takes people to find and buy a house? Usually, it can take months or even years, and that’s just for a place they’re going to live for a few years. When you’re looking for a gf, you’re looking for a living, breathing person that you very well may spend the entire rest of your life with! Realize that the process may take a little while because it’s important. If you’re really in a good place mentally, this shouldn’t bother you.
- Get outside of your comfort zone. – The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you haven’t had luck finding a gf yet, it might be time to change things up. This will probably require you to get outside of your comfort zone and try something new. Embrace the change!
- Desperation is not attractive. – If you are not 100% happy and content on your own without a girlfriend, you may not be ready to start dating just yet. One of the big reasons for this as you may be coming across as desperation if you need a gf instead of just wanting one. Be aware of your actions, and make sure you’re not looking desperate.
- Don’t go complement happy. – We wanted to share one tip about something that may inadvertently make you look desperate. Is it okay to compliment women? Absolutely. However, when you lead off with compliments, it makes you seem like you’re putting her up on a podium. And when the compliments get more intense or numerous, it creates this weird power dynamic. We recommend you keep the compliments to a minimum until you get to know each other a little.
- Stop taking rejection personally. – If a girl says she is not interested in you, 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with you. She could have a bf/gf, be having a bad day, not have time to date, be taking a break from dating…the list is really endless. And if you look at everything on that list, none of it has anything to do with you. If a girl says she’s not interested, say no worries and move along to the next one. As a side note, this also exudes confidence and helps to get you more comfortable talking to more women in the future.
- Don’t settle. – One of the worst things you can do when trying to find a gf is to get frustrated and settle for the first girl that shows you attention. While this might seem like a winning play in the short term, it’s only setting you up for disappointment and heartache in the long run. Stick to what you know you want even if it takes longer.
- Don’t play games. – There are a million different websites out there that will try and coach you into playing games to attract women and get a girlfriend. Don’t fall into that trap. Be you, be respectful, and the results will come.